


If At First You Don't Succeed...

by Scarecrowqueen



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Awkward First Times, Comedy, I Apologize For Subjecting You All To My Weirdness, M/M, One Shot, Shameless Smut, Too Many Bad Euphemisms, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 20:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1009548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarecrowqueen/pseuds/Scarecrowqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because this is real life and not a romance novel, of course the first time was going to be hilarious and awkward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If At First You Don't Succeed...

**Author's Note:**

> ....I have no excuse.

Jack blinked at Bunny. 

Then rubbed his eyes.

Then blinked again.

“If you think that you are coming anywhere near me with that, that WEAPON OF ASS DESTRUCTION, you are severely mistaken.”

Bunny huffed, looking down at the frost spirit who was currently naked and sprawled out in his nest. Weeks of dining and dating and careful wooing had all led to this, the inevitable premiere roll in the hay. Literal hay too, it was a Pooka nest, after all. 

Unfortunately, Jack had just gotten his first glimpse at the Pooka unleashed, and appeared to be having cold feet.

Well, colder than normal, at least. 

“I’m a FERTILITY SYMBOL, what the fuck did you expect?” Bunny huffed again, crossing his arms over his furry chest. His monumental manpole shifted a bit with the motion, eagerly pointed at the object of its affections. The object however, just scowled further, crossing his own arms, apparently uncaring of his own nudity.

“I mean it, Rabbit. Knocking the back out of it voids the warrantee, which is exactly what will happen if you just try and shove that thing in!” Jack sat up from his mostly reclined position, crossing his legs to further discourage his boyfriend’s advances. As if Bunny hadn’t already gotten the hint. Well, the upper brain had, the lower one was still all systems go.

“Well, any fantastic suggestions then, mate? Or are we just gonna sit around wasting our hard-ons?” Jack snorted at the grumpy tone in Bunny’s voice. Really, he should just get over it already, not like it was his ass on the line or anything, literally. Never let it be said that Jack was unreasonable though, so he scrambled to his knees and leaned in a bit to further examine the gargantuan giggle stick standing proudly between the Pooka’s legs. His brow furrowed as if in deep thought, his arms coming up to make strange ‘grabby hands’ motions, as if imagining the logistics of jerking the rigid ramrod before him, but them grimaced in dissatisfaction before leaning back again. For a moment he cracked his jaw wide, mouthing the air in awkward motions, but gave up on that too, rubbing his chin as if imagining the anticipated ache. Finally, the metaphorical lightbulb appeared and Jack crowed in delight, diving for the lube. He flopped back onto the soft bedding of the nest, popping the cap and proceeding to messily drench everything from nipples to knees with the slick oil. Bunny’s nose twitched as he took in the scent of Jasmine, as his nine inch knocker twitched in joy at the sight. With a salacious grin, Jack chucked the empty vial away, reclining back in a tantalizing fashion.

“Well, Bunny, do your worst!” Jack’s fingers slid through the slippery puddle on his stomach just above his own quivering cockstand, indicating exactly how he wanted his boyfriend, heavy and hot and thrusting. Bunny found himself grinning in glee, climbing eagerly over his soon-to-be lover, ready to fit their bodies together in bliss...

Only to jerk back, squawking in startled surprise.

“Hell Jack, you’re colder than a Penguin’s backside!” Bunny reared back onto his knees, looking down frantically to check that his battering ram hadn’t crawled back inside to hide. It hadn’t but it was a near thing. Jack was scowling again from beneath him, furious and bordering on violence.

“I’m a WINTER ELEMENTAL, the fuck did you expect?” Jack spat out, mimicking Bunny’s earlier tone, and the Pooka felt his own eyes narrow in response, gearing up for the inevitable fight.

On the upside, if he played his cards right, maybe the naked tussling could end well for both of them, after all.

 

Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.  
\- Andy Warhol

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted to FF.net and my Dreamwidth.


End file.
